Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
