do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
