Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
