Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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