shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
