I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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