i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize