i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
