$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
