paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You need Xanax blowdarts
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh god it's open bar.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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