What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
