Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
