I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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