So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
