one might say we're banned from that church
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
