He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
