He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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