I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
