Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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