I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
