Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
