with your own penis?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
be right there i have to get my cape
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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