I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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