I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
