Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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