I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
