I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
