That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
