did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
