Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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