Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
