need another drink. this is the easiest way
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
