You really coming over, don't trick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
