shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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