3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
