so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
