how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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