Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
