Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
