Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
