Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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