I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize