yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
