being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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