The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
