On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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