you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
