So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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