Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
