its not stalking. its research.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
