Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
