So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
