Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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