Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
