It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
