I bet he comes in French.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
