I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
