Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize