Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
