OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
