There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
