Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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