Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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