Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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