I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
