Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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