I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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