they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
